Lots of us have said it, most of us think about saying, and deep down we all know ALL of us need to do it.
Yes … I am talking about FORGIVENESS!!!
It is one of the hardest yet, FREEING and BEST action we can do for our peaceful, successful and (lets be honest) sane present and future self.
Most of us have been on the receiving end of feeling emotionally hurt from a loved one, a friend or even stranger. By either a word, an action or heck, even an eye roll. Being on the receiving end can make us feel average and BLAHHHH to say the least!!
For me forgiveness doesn’t mean you are giving in or being a door mat, because you can either forgive, move forward, love them, accept them and build a stronger understanding and appreciation for your relationship together or you can forgive, move forward, wish them well and let them go. Either way YOU WIN!
Role of perception and level of accepting the hurt:
The status of our ego of self-righteousness and self-esteem at any given moment influences the story we tell ourselves about the situation and how much it negatively impacts our overall perception.
When ego gets in the way or self-esteem is not at its best, we can take it personally and feel attacked, which makes it about us. We could feel angry, sad, upset, and are we more likely to react rather than respond. The reaction could be, defensive, or we might cry or yell, we might be sarcastic or belittling or we might be silent or walk-away. In this state we often become oblivious to seeing the other person point of view or their hurt, because we are consumed by our hurt. We can miss seeing that their hurt is often nothing to do with us and the situation at hand and more likely from an accumulation of their own conscious and subconscious stories which now take the form of a mini or major explosion. Hurt people, hurt people.
We all know we should be responding vs reacting to be our BEST self. Easier said than done I know, but possible. The reality is, we are a perfect work in progress.
Resentment is a steep slope to nowhere:
When we don’t forgive resentment seeps into every fibre of our being and we breathe it in like a toxic oxygen. It consumes us, it narrows our vision, squashes our belief, halts our progress, a victim mentality can set in, it consumes our thoughts, we are in the danger zone of allowing fear to creep in which depletes our attitude and our self-esteem, and at its worst it can negatively affect our other relationships and even makes us physically ill.
Bitterness can also set in which can lead to us wanting them to feel the hurt we are feeling. The FACT is, the other person who caused the hurt – has moved on, and are absolutely NOT thinking of us, they are thinking of themselves and have no idea the pain we allowed them to inflict on us and frankly they really don’t care. Ouchie right! But that is the reality.
Nip it in the Bud early:
When we don’t forgive we don’t move forward we are stuck in the PAST and we crazily suffocate ourselves because by not forgiving we place so much of our energy in re-living it, in building a case within our mind and engaging in our conversations with our support network to try and diagnosis it all, of why we didn’t deserve it and trying to work out why, why, why, and feeling hurt every time we live it over and over and it often grows into something bigger and uglier than it actually initially was.
The VERY thing we don’t want to keep re-living we will CONTINUE to LIVE because we SIMPLY are not willing to FORGIVE.
Learning to love the messenger and not take on board the message is key as it opens the path to forgiveness.
The longer unforgiveness lingers the more we get stuck and it festers like infected wound.
Own your part, take responsibility for the role you played in the situation whatever that might have been – and move forward with LOVE. Go to the next level and say sorry for your part and mean it – and feel the heaviness lifted.
Avoid the pain – get back to FACTS – quickly:
Most of us know what it feels like to be stuck in the victim zone when we have felt hurt by others. If you are stuck go back to the FACTS and let your logic kick in.
FACT 1: No matter how many times you re-live the moment in the mind. It will not change what happen. It is in the past, and as you know, the past is IMPOSSIBLE to change. Focus on changing the POSSIBLE – the NOW.
FACT 2: Need more Facts. Go back to FACT 1.
Who do you need to forgive to SHINE like the PERFECT human YOU were created to be – so you can continue to LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE?
If you want to set yourself free from the hurt of the past, the first step is to forgive others so you in turn can truly forgive yourself now, and in the future.
Love & Belief,